Hello readers,

As I head into what is going to be a crazy busy holiday season, I have decided that this will be my last post of 2010.  I will weigh in on January 2nd and take it from there.  It's done me a lot of good to take a break from the blogging not weight wise, nothing has changed at 252 and holding, but mentally.  I am really looking forward to the New Year and all it represents.  Taking some time to look at my goals and plan a route to get there has been wonderful.  I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and look forward to seeing you all in the New Year.

Cheers!
Leah

Sorry about the Hiatus! I have no excuses to offer you.

I have been on a little hiatus and I apologize.  It seems I have lost my drive lately.  All the excuses can't excuse what I've been up to.  Bottom line, I've just been not keeping my priorities strait.  I am down a ridiculous 0.6lbs after a month off of my routine.  I find myself regularly self sabotaging and coming up with stupid excuses for not getting my butt to the gym.  It seems that the more people notice the change, the more my progress slows.  I need to do some internal work over the next few weeks and figure out why I keep doing this to myself.  The main difference between this time and every other time I have worked on my weight is that I am recognizing it before my journey is derailed.  Now the digging must begin.....

Lazy Week

This week was a lazy week.  I ate well but skipped the gym everyday except for Wednesday and I have to admit, I feel better.  I needed some me time, away from the gym, to re-energize and focus.  I did managed to lose almost a pound.  I weighed in at 252.6lbs this morning giving me a 0.9lbs loss for the week.. I'll take it.  So close to a 40lbs loss!  Next week?   

At work, I finally managed to get my core french program running the way I want it to.  Kids wrapped up a dance unit that I was getting bored with.  And I almost have a class website sorted out.  I just feel like I got a lot done.  Oh and I got my class cleaned up last night, most specifically my desk, which had become a mountain of papers and things that I could not find room for.  

Most exciting news all week though came on Wednesday night, my very best friend in the whole world, she's like the sister I never had, told me that she got the call that he agency had a child for her.  I got to find out that she will be getting a beautiful 3 year old boy before Christmas.  Words simply could not express my happiness for her and her husband.  After years of struggling with infertility she is finally becoming a mother in just a few short weeks.  I, as the honourary aunt, look forward to spoiling this little boy like crazy! A trip back to my hometown in December will be necessary to help welcome him to the family. 

Next week I'll be back to my regular routine of hitting the gym and eating well.  Oh and as a side note, I have become addicted in a very short time frame to Tim Horton's Oatmeal.  It's delicious and it's good for you.  Gotta love that! 

Have a great weekend everyone!
Cheers!
Leah

Saying Goodbye to Morbid Obesity

At my highest weight earlier this year of 292lbs my BMI was at 45.7, it put me right into the morbidly obese category.  When I put my info into the calculator and it spit out the number I was horrified.  I was so over weight that my health and life were in serious jeopardy.  It was time for action but I honestly didn't really get moving until we got started over at A Nu(de) Motivation.  My weigh in yesterday nudges me into the obese category, which is still horrifying, but I have to admit I welcome the dropping of the word morbid.  My BMI as of yesterday is 39.7!  Still not a great number but what an improvement. In just under 6 months my life has changed so much!  I can't imagine going back now.  I will be working my weight down to the overweight category over the next several months.  63lbs from now, that will happen.  I know now that, it's just a matter of time before I get there.  No longer an IF but a WHEN. 

Have a great day everyone!
Leah

Weigh In Saturday!

Hello everyone!

Things have been really busy this week for me but they have also been very good.  I weighed in this morning at 253.5lbs!  Woohoo!  A great loss.  I am so happy.  I really gave it my all during my workouts this week and didn't treat myself with food. I am very happy with the progress.  I have lost 2.9lbs this week which is amazing!  What a great way to get things moving again.  

I have to admit that after tracking every morsel of food for a week I knew exactly what needed to be done to get that scale going in the right direction again.  I guess I had gotten a little lax, ok a lot lax, but I am glad to see that the scales didn't head up up and up like they would have before.  The check in over a A Nu(de) Motivation really got me thinking about my commitment again.  I made a commitment to myself that I would treat my body with respect, that I would feed it fuel not crap and that I would work on my personal issues that keep weight on.  I have kind of abandoned that since school got back into full swing.  I think it's really important especially heading into the Christmas season to be cautious of stepping off the path. I am really going to have to focus and keep my goal at the front of my mind.  It is so easy to forget that not having that treat laid out in front of you is not going to kill you.  I find myself thinking lately, this is not the last time you will ever see (insert food), have just a little and move on.  My friends who are trim and fit do this with ease.  They don't deprive, they just eat reasonable portions of their favourite indulgences.  That's is what I will try to do as we head into the season of treats.  I will indulge in reasonable portions.  No need to eat 5 cookies when 1 will do.  It's a great concept.  Let's see if I can put it into practice. 

Well my husband and I are going to bask in a gloriously relaxed day.  Maybe read a book, watch a movie.

Enjoy the day!
Cheers!
Leah  

A New Post over at A (Nu)de Motivation!

Just stopping into say that our progress pictures have been posted over at A Nu(de) Motivation.  Hop on over and take a look! 

Cheers!
Leah

So this weekend kinda got away on me. We have been crazy busy getting organized to start the 2nd part of our renovation. Things were going well till my husband put a rusty nail in his foot. Needless to say we've been sitting at emerge for almost 3 hours now and it dawns on me that I can blog from my new iPhone. Hooray!!!

This week was ok my snacking is still out of control and there are simply no excises for it. I want this and I need to start acting like it. Groceries are done and meals planned out for next week so all I do is stay out of restaurants and this will all work out. I also think my body has gotten use to my workouts. I must add the weight lifting back in and ramp up my effort during my classes.

Oh yeah weight this week is 256.4. Here's hoping next week goes better.

Leah

Tracking Calories = Obvious Issues

So true to my word I have been tracking every morsel of food entering my mouth since yesterday.  Let me tell you today was a true example of where I am screwing up.  When I am tired, I just make horrible judgment calls.  Writing it down is really (forcing me) giving me the chance to look things over.

Yesterday(Monday):
Breakfast:

Shredded Wheat Cereal, 2 biscuits (1 serving) 160                  
Milk, 1%, 0.75 cup      83                    
Brown Sugar, 2 tsp unpacked   23      
Breakfast TOTAL:       265    


Lunch:

Cucumber (with peel), 0.5 cup slices     7                      
Yellow Peppers (bell peppers), 10 strips           14      
Carrots, raw, 0.25 cup, strips or slices 13                    
Turkey breast meat, 150 grams             156                  
Goat Cheese, Soft, 1 oz            76                    
Kraft Poppyseed dressing, 3 tbsp         135                  
Cracker, Triscuit, 0.9 oz           115                  
aero (43g bar), 0.2 serving        47                    
Tim Horton's Large DBL DBL, 1 serving          230                  

Lunch TOTAL:             791                  


Dinner:
Tortellini Pasta Dinner with tomato and turkey sauce, 1 serving            700                  0          
Dinner TOTALS:          700    


Snacks:
Can of Coke, 1 serving             160    
Snack TOTALS:          160    

 TOTAL for the DAY: 1,917       TARGET: 1,710 - 2,060



So overall I am on target calorie wise.  However, look at my choice right away I notice lots of sugary things the coke, chocolate and the coffee.
Now lets look at the crappy work I did today.


Breakfast:
Milk, 1%, 0.75 cup      83      
Brown Sugar, 2 tsp unpacked  23       
Shredded Wheat Cereal, 2 biscuits (1 serving) 160     
Breakfast TOTALS:     265

Lunch:
Cucumber (with peel), 0.5 cup slices     7        
Yellow Peppers (bell peppers), 10 strips           14      
Carrots, raw, 0.25 cup, strips or slices 13      
Turkey breast meat, 150 grams             156    
Goat Cheese, Soft, 1 oz            76      
Kraft Poppyseed dressing, 3 tbsp         135    
aero (43g bar), 0.2 serving        47      
Tim Horton's Large DBL DBL, 1 serving          230    
Lunch TOTALS:          677

Dinner:
Beef Stew, 2 serving     472    
Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices), 1.5 serving        270    
Margarine, 1.5 serving 53      
          
Dinner TOTALS: 795

Post workout meal (why oh why did I do this):
Almonds, dry roasted, 0.13 cup whole kernels 107    
Cashew Nuts, dry roasted, 0.13 cup, halves and whole             102    
Pumpkin Spice Donut, 1 serving            260
Post Workout Meal: 469 (AHHHHHH!!!!!)

Snack:
Chocolate Milk, 1 cup 201    
Plain Lays Chips Baked, 1 serving        130    
Snack TOTALS:          331

TOTAL for the DAY: 2537


Again it's the sugar that is killing me.  I must must must trim down the refined sugar and add in some fruit.  I certainly will not be posting all my food all the time but just wanted to take a look at it. At the very least I can clearly see where I am going wrong and therefore can make major improvements to the eating.  What I am really missing since the fall weather kicked in is fruit.  I generally speaking don't like fruit.  I love berries and had them in smoothies all summer long.  I love baked fruits too but those are often found in baked good.    I need a warm comfort food that involves fruit and is low cal......hmmmmmm I am on the hunt now..

Cheers!
Leah

Saturday Weigh In and a Plan

So today I am up 0.9lbs from last week.  I can tell you exactly why too, we ate out 3 nights this week, I bought my lunch 2 days this week and my snacking was out of control.  I am not happy with myself because I know how to do this.  I want this.  I am willing to lose all my evening during the week to workouts but I seem to be throwing my food intake to the side.  I need to be more accountable with my food.  Monday is November 1st.  I want to be in regular size shirts by the end of November.  That's the goal.  So how am I going to get there?

Step 1:  Keep going to the gym 4 nights a week!  This is the easy part because I am loving it all of it! 

Step 2:  Do weight training once a week after Zumba. Gotta start somewhere with this.

Step 3:  Count all calories that enter my mouth.  This is the hard but easy part.  I have to do it everyday all day long hard part.  Easy part I have a touch and I have a calorie counter right on it.  I will post calories on Friday for each day.  I know this is the key right here.  Range of calories for me based on my exercise and reaching my goal of 190lbs by Aug 15, 2011 is to currently stay between 1,710 - 2,060 calories per day. 

So that's the plan.  I am not saying that I will count calories forever but for this month it's necessary.  I need some more progress.  I am too busy and need to have a target for food otherwise I eat mindlessly.  Not a good plan.  So November 1st I will start.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween.  I am off to a party tonight and must go find a costume!

Cheers!
Leah

Reflections

So yesterday we went to the in laws for dinner and to visit with my SIL.  Dinner was wonderful and it was nice to visit and catch up.  I find though since I started on this weight loss journey, I am for some reason or another noticing when people lose or put on weight.  It never even use to occur to me, unless the changes were drastic.  As I sat there having dinner, I wondered how often when I would come home during university did my family and friends see me and think: "Oh my she's put on weight again".  This is exactly what happen to me yesterday, I felt guilty for even thinking it.  Why I'm not sure.  And I certainly was not judging the person in anyway.  It's just that I noticed and that made me so uncomfortable.  It left my head full of questions. 

No one ever said anything to me, even though I knew they were thinking it, as I was gaining weight.  Would I have wanted someone to say something? NO.  Did I realize how bad the weight gain was? No.  I was in complete denial as a packed on the pounds, slowly moving up one size at a time.  Blaming clothing makers for making their sizes smaller and dryers for shrinking my clothes but the reality is that I was getting larger and not wanting to face the truth.  I probably wasn't till mid second year when I had to face the reality that shopping in regular stores was officially over for me.  It was depressing, I cried, I vowed to change but instead packed on even more weight.  By the end of second year I was wearing a size 20 and loss the desire to make a change.  Such a contrast to how I feel right now.  

Right now, I would want someone to tell me I was gaining weight even though I'd be upset or annoyed with them.  Now I am not saying in public, at dinner or in front of anyone, but maybe over a cup of coffee with a good friend.  Where concern was expressed sincerely.  As I lose the weight, family and friends have expressed their relief that I am FINALLY losing the weight.  They are telling me that they were worried about me but not sure what to say.  I find it interesting that people can tell you afterwords but not during.   We have no problem, or rather I should say I have no problem, telling my parents that I am worried about them because they smoke.  That I am concern they will die too young, and get very ill.  So why is it, that I would be scared to tell a friend their weight is shortening their lives?  

I leave you with thoughts still swirling in my head. 

Hope you all have a great day!

Leah

ps.  I bought a pair of new jeans size 16W!  I am thrilled! 

Weigh in Saturday!

So it seems that since I started working I often don't have enough time to weigh in on Friday mornings but if I don't I will get it in on Saturday.  Today I got to see great success vs last week.  I weighed in at 255.5lbs.  I have admit for a minute I was disappointed because I weighed in at 256lbs on about Tuesday so the loss did not seem as huge to me until I went back to my weigh in page to put it in a realized that I loss 2.9lbs in a week.  Funny how quickly your perspective can change.  

Today should be a nice day, my progress reports that are due Monday are already done and my sister and brother in law are in town visiting.  I am going to take a quick trip into town to do some shopping for a bday present for my SIL, and to order a few bathing suits from Sears since I don't think I'll find a good one on the rack anywhere in my little town.  And I may just treat myself to one pair of pants that fit properly, I know that big pile of regular 18s will fit in just a few more pounds but I desperately want a pair of jeans that fit right now and right now a 18 plus fits that and that my friends is so exciting. 

I finally received a bunch of wedding pictures yesterday from the photographer ( I waited for ever to order them, like 2 years. lol) and they are gorgeous.  I can't believe that I already weigh less they I did in those pictures. On my wedding day I weighed approx. 265 and I say approx because I stopped weighing myself when my diet failed, and of course it did it was a diet.  They are the most beautiful pictures and it was the best day of my life thus far.   

Alright, well I am off to enjoy the day!

Cheers!
Leah

Habits....

I just can't believe how hard old habits are to break.  With all the progress I have made I still end up slipping into my old habits of eating out for lunch, running through the Tim Horton's drivethru and stealing a can of Coke out of my friends office fridge.  I really need to get these under control.  They are completely sabotaging my progress.  They are sneaking in and eating up my calorie deficits.  So over the next few weeks I will work at eliminating these 3 nasty work habits.   First to go, "stealing" Coke out my friends fridge.  When I do this I am just looking for something to drink.  I need to remember to pack my water bottle and keep it full.  Second, Tim Horton's is costly me dearly. did you now that my beloved double double packs a whooping 230 calories, add to that the donut I can't live without at 260 calories and my morning coffee run is costing me big time! Lastly, eating out for lunch hasn't been too bad, I typically run to the grocery store for a salad but that is hurting my wallet when I consider what I can make a salad for at home.  Also, it's hard to control how much of what is in them and many of them have lots of cheese.  

So that's it, I need to nix those 3 habbits ASAP!  And I know I can I just need to rework my routine a little so that these choices are less tempting.

Cheers!
Leah

WOOHOO!!!! It's the weekend!

I am so happy to have a quiet morning today.  My husband is away this weekend which means that there will be no construction and plenty of time for me to get all those little nagging chores done and out of the way.  I plan on heading into school tomorrow with a coworker and getting the last of my room set up.  I am thrilled that next week will be the start of the rest of the year for me.  I have a great program planned that will now get implemented.  YAY! 

Health wise things are going pretty good.  TOM showed up yesterday so today I weighed in again and was pleasantly surprised to see that I weigh 256 which is much lower then yesterdays weigh in right before I got TOM.  So excited!  Looks like I will hit that 30lbs mark over at A (Nu)de Motivation next week and that will be quickly followed by my reaching a total of 40lbs loss from my highest weight.  Even with the crazy stress from the last few weeks I have been able to keep my goals in mind even if they sometimes took the back burner for a few days.  

I am also, so very very proud of my husband who has noticeably dropped pounds right along with me.  We are going to be a smokin hot couple by spring.  We may have to call up our photographer for some new sexy photos.  

Well it's a beautiful fall day here and I'd like to get out and enjoy it.  Off to do chores and hopefully get out there and enjoy some of this glorious sunshine!

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh In Friday!

Hello again,

Things here are finally moving in the right direction again, I weighed in this morning at 258.4lbs giving me a total loss of 33.6lbs so far.  YAY! I am really excited about things moving again. My eating has been good off and on, this week, not over eating that's for sure but not always making the best choice either.  This weekend will be great for getting myself set up for more success.  I plan on spending quite a bit of time working on school things which will alleviate most of my stress.  Things will then run the way I want them to.  Working out was great, I missed my Monday workout due to Thanksgiving but got all my other workouts in.  I also started teaching 4 sections of dance at school which means I get to move around for at least an additional 4 hours a week which is wonderful.  It's so nice to teach something fun and the kids seem to be enjoying it which I was worried about.  Alright, I am off to work.  I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday!!!

Cheers!
Leah

What a day!

I had one of those days you know the ones where you run and run and run and get so frustrated because you feel like you are going no where.  No what I mean?  Well I felt like that today with my work and my eating.  With work I just feel like perhaps I am not doing my job as well as I could be, I am at a loss of what to do with a particular group of students.  Nothing I seem to do gets there attention or their focus.  I know I am the french teacher that none of the students like, that parents don't support and that colleagues chuckle at when I say I have had a rough day with their classes but gosh this has got to get better.  I really do love my job 99% of the time today was just one of those days where I don't.  They happen and I know tomorrow will be better.  Food wise, I forgot to pack my lunch so I ended up eating what was available in the school, a small chocolate milk, cheddar sunchips and a piece of apple pie.  What the heck kinda lunch is that!!!  No wonder the scale is NOT moving for me.  My sweet hubby is away this weekend and I am hoping to use that time to plan out my school schedule, get organized and get focused again.  I really am missing that loss on the scale but I am thrilled that it has not moved up.  

Hope you all have had a better day!

Cheers!
Leah

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I know it's been a while since I posted but things have been as I have been saying nuts.  They should settle down after this next week and then things will get back to normal.  I'd like so commit to posting every other day after next week.  I weighed in on Friday but for got to update.  I am back down to 260lbs. which is great but no further weight loss.  After this weekend which is Thanksgiving here I'll get back on my regularly scheduled eating program.  I have been eating ridiculous amounts of sugar which is horrible for me.  I am thinking maybe a week or two of counting calories maybe in order to get me back on track.  In other happier news, I went shopping with my mom this weekend and was able to fit into many regular XXL or XL shirts in the stores.  YAY!  Also size 18 plus size pants fit wonderfully, the ones I have here in my closet are not plus size so they are snug but I can definetly do them up.  5 more lbs and I think I'll be there.  The size 18s fitting nicely though was a great thing to see at the store.  I am official down another pant size!  Horray for smaller pants! 

I hope all my Canadian readers are have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
Leah

Planning

Well it's Sunday and now that I am like every other 'normal' person out there I have to get ready for the work week ahead.  So today I think I will take sometime to do any prep for dinners this week that can be done ahead of time.  For some of our meals this means I can cook it this afternoon like the curry we plan on having and for others I can just get a head start like pre-making my turkey burger patties.  I really hope that this will get ride of the evening dinner crunch we are feeling.   Getting to the gym 4 nights a week for classes is wonderful but we're having to rush dinner and not making the healthiest choices.

Also, I need to do a major clean up today since next weekend is Thanksgiving and my parents are coming for a visit! YAY!  I am so looking forward to all the delicious Thanksgiving food.  I love me some pumpkin pie that's for sure! I still plan on enjoying all the delicious food prepared even if it's not the healthiest thing out there.  You got to enjoy life along this journey too and there are days on the calendar where traditional foods are the better choice.  I am thinking Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter type holidays.  This doesn't mean I need to stuff myself till I am sick though!

I have a busy day ahead.  Have a good one!

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh In and An Update

Sorry for my long absence but this week was insanely busy!!!  Lets start with the bad.  My weigh in was not good.  I am sitting this morning at 262.2lbs after being at 259.9lbs last week.  I am not being too hard on myself though.  It was my birthday this week and my first week back at a full time job.  The birthday had cake and treats multiple times and the work had my stress levels soaring!  I will admit that my eating has been a little out of control.  Tones of snacking and treats and such.  So this week I must get back on game.  

On the bright side, I made it to all 5 of my workouts.  I am thinking perhaps some weight training might be necessary but I think I'll wait it out another week.  I am already feeling a little overwhelmed with all I am committed to.  I am hoping that next week I will really settle into a routine at school and feel like things are up and running.  

Oh well one minor set back is not going to derail this train.  

Cheers!
Leah

OMG so busy!

Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes!!!

Ok so keeping up with getting my classroom up and running, doing my lesson, going to my fitness classes, having a birthday and then having a baby shower to go to all within 3 days.  Let's just say I am sooooo exhausted.  I have made it to all my workouts this week though even though life is crazy.  I am so enjoying them.  It's the few minutes of the day where I can just not think too much and do what the instructor tells me to do while having a little fun.  And line dancing tonight was way way way more fun then I thought it was going to be.  You know when you don't realize how much you have been missing something until you do it again.  That's how I have been feeling about dancing.    Alright well i gotta get ready for bed.

Night everyone!
Leah

Happy Birthday to Me!

Well today happens to be my 28th birthday, on the 28th which means this should be my lucky year.  Things are going pretty well leading up to it so I can't wait to see where I'll be at in a year.  Posts will likely be short and sporadic this week as I get back into the swing of working full time plus getting all my workouts in.  Zumba kicked my butt yesterday, in a good way, I can feel it a little today.  Alright, I gotta run.  Hope everyone is well I haven't had a chance to read very many blogs this week. 

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh In Saturday? Ooops!

So in my frantic hurry to get to work on time I forgot to weigh myself before I got out the door.  But I got to it this morning.  And success I weigh 259.9, YAY!  I am thrilled with my progress.  This was a particularly stressful week for me and I still experienced great success.  

To say that I am excited about my new position is an understatement.  I foresee my best teaching year to date.  I just can't describe how happy I am.  I have a wonderful class, a great schedule and fabulous colleagues.  What more could a girl ask for?  Ok so the hour drive each way sucks but that's ok, I can live with that.  It was like coming home after a horrible vacation.  Only thing to do now is get organized and get on task with my students.  So much to do now!  YAY!  

Well I have a weekend filled with renovations and classroom planning.  I probably won't touch base again until Monday. 

Have a great weekend.
Cheers!\
Leah

I can't sleep.....ugh.

Well I figured since I can't sleep I may as well fill you in on what's going on with me.  Turns out that after much frustration and negotiating, I have been permitted to take the full time teaching position for the year without losing my permanent job.  YAY!  It was really exciting.  But now of course I am overwhelmed with what needs to be done at my new school and therefore I can't sleep.  See I share my classroom with a woman whom I have a difficult time working with.  She's very smart and great at her job we just have very different approaches.  I am sure it will all work out but until things get going I'm a little anxious about it all.   

On the downside of the my life today, we are getting and tone of rain.  Over 10 cm in less then 12 hours with nothing but rain in the forecast for the next few days.  And well apparently, my roof leaks in a few spots.  F*CK!!!!  Pardon my language but my gosh.  I need this like I need a whole in the head.  Not at all.  Hopefully it's just a few things we can patch for this year.  Redoing the roof is NOT, I repeat NOT in my budget for this year.  Oh well such is life.  I mean really when I look at the big picture we are pretty darn blessed.  But it's hard to look at the big picture when you got buckets around to catch the water your roof should be preventing from getting in.  Sigh. 

Another upside to my life, ( I think they call this a bad news sandwich or something like that), many of the girls at my work are taking on some new healthy habits.  I am excited that I am not the only one at work taking on this adventure.  It's hard when your the only one.  Last year there were many and by many I mean 5 pregnant women on a staff of 18.  There were soooo many treats around all the time.  I absolutely love this school and can't wait to get started.  It's kinda like coming home after a horrible vacation. 

Sweet dreams,
Leah

Boo for Yoga, Yay for Line Dancing?

Ok so I actually really like yoga but the instructor on Wednesday night was changed and the new instructor is very nice but for the love of God she talks way too much and doesn't move through the poses fast enough.  So I have decided rather then being frustrated to try something different next week.  They offer line dancing classes at my gym.  I know not my usual thing but I was watching them yesterday and I think it will be fun.  I mean I don't see myself going out to do line dancing in public but I think it will be fun to learn.  Also I use to take dance classes as a kid and I loved them.  So why not try another kind.  It's only 10 weeks, I can commit to that. Oh and it was FREE!  Well I slept in a little this morning and now I gotta run and get ready for work.  

Oh yeah and before I run just a reminder that GREY'S ANATOMY is starting tonight.  Oh how I love that show!  Yay for fall TV. 

Have a great day everyone!

Cheers!
Leah

What a difference 15 weeks can make!

This post will be posted next week over at A Nu(de) Motivation so here's the sneak peak.

What an amazing difference 15 weeks can make in your life.   The changes in my life have been dramatic.  I was a last minute joiner to this group and have never felt more blessed in my life to be part of something.  The changes within me are not only physical, which is becoming obvious to those around me with my 20lbs loss, but also perhaps even more importantly emotional.  

I hardly recognize the woman I was 15 weeks ago.  Her self talk was horribly destructive.  She labelled herself a victim.  She refused to see that changes had to occur inside, in order for the outside to change.  She was tired all the time.  She could not imagine taking a fitness class.  She was constantly worrying about what others thought of her.  

I am proud to say that 15 weeks later.  I talk to myself the way I would a friend.  I don’t beat myself up anymore.  I compliment myself.  I take the time to see the beauty within me.   I no longer label myself a victim.  I have taken back my self worth by airing out my darkest secrets.  I have been working through it rather then running from it.  Finding my voice again for the first time in years was liberating.  I read a book that encouraged me to face my fears, to realize that no matter how painful or hurtful something may have been, it was in the past, it was over, it was gone; only the memory remaining.  By dealing with that memory I have been able to let go of some of my need for constant control.  I am no longer tired all the time. Who would have guessed that adding in physical activity would increase my energy.  That woman, who couldn’t dream of joining of fitness class, takes 5 per week now and loves them.  I don’t worry nearly half as much about what people think of me now.  They can think what they want.  How ridiculous of me to think that they were even thinking of me.  

The contrast is striking.  I love it.  My new life feels so permanent, this weight loss just beginning.  And although I have weeks where my loss is not what I wish it was.  I know that I am moving in the right direction. 

Who is this girl?

Seriously, who is this girl that I am becoming.  I have gone to 3 fitness classes already this week and it's only Tuesday.  I hit up Zumba on Monday which was so much fun.  I felt like a fool but had so much fun and was a hot sweaty mess by the end of class!  Today I went to belly dancing which was a good workout but not a huge cardio workout.  Then I ran over the aqua bootcamp which was fabulous as usual.  I just don't know where I got all this energy all of a sudden.  I can't even believe I just did back to back fitness classes.  If you had told me 16 weeks ago that I would be capable of doing that; I would have laughed at you.  The road ahead is a long one but I feel like i have come so far already.  I promise to write a longer post tomorrow but I am so tired. 

Goodnight!

Leah

So Frustrated

I have been away from my blog for the last few days because I have been so frustrated with a work situation that I am not making the best health decisions.  The long and short of it is that last year I worked at an amazing school with a great class that I loved.  That job was given to someone else who was a permanent teacher.  Then,  I got a permanent job. YAY! But don't really like it.  BOO.  Now that teacher that was placed into my perfect job was moved and I am not allowed to go back to my old class unless I resign from my permanent job which I can't do.  I just feel like I have been shit on.  Stupid union.  I just don't understand why they can't put a temp teacher in my current position for the year and let me do the full time gig for the year.  It's such a huge pay difference.  But alas, it's very much like my food problem.  If I take the short term reward, the full time job, I lose the long term benefit, having a guaranteed job.  I need to work through this but I am so frustrated.  I want to go back to the moment where I was thrilled about having a permanent job, because right now I feel like a bratty kid who is complaining because she didn't get her way. 

So I haven't been eating great, I did some baking, lazed around and felt sorry for myself.  It's not making me feel better so I need to get off this pity train and be happy that I have a job.  So I am off to Zumba which I have been looking forward to for weeks now.  I am sure it will put a smile on my face. 

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh-In Friday!

Well despite my skepticism another good weigh in has arrived for me.  On the first day of TOM no less.  A grand success if I so say so myself.  I am down another 1.5lbs!  

I even handle a day at my old school today without over eating a huge success.  That school is filled with the smell of food all day long and I just stuck to my packed lunch so as not to run into problems.  I have really been paying attention to the quantity of food I am eating and paying attention to when I am full.  All steps in the right direction.

I was also able to squeeze in a trip to the chiropractor where he fixed up my hip and gave me some exercise to do to keep it that way.  Lets hope that is the end of that.  

I am exhausted so I am off to relax. 

Have a good night!
Leah

Ouch!

I can't believe it myself, but I hurt myself at Yoga.  I was really enjoying the class, it was crazy challenging which I like most of the time. She had us doing down dog and then lifting up onto our toes, arching our backs and moving in to plank.  The reverse.  It was great, it was hard.  I was shaking but doing ok and then it happened.  A crack and pop and a sharp pain on the left side of my hip.  OUCH!  I left class for a minute and stretched out my hip, it felt a little better so I went back and just took the last 20 minutes of class pretty easy.  But today it still hurts like crazy.  I had to actually take some meds at work today because walking is really aggravating it.  I'll be off to the chiropractor after work tomorrow to have him look at it.  I am sure this won't derail anything for me, my hips often pop out due to an old injury.  I guess just a reminder from my body that pushing is good, pushing too hard is not.  

Night,
Leah

Anxious Steps Forward

As the weight trickles off I become more confident but lately I have found myself back at the lowest weight I've been in the last 5 years. YAY! Lower then my wedding day weight. These next 10 pounds are typically where I falter and stumble and give up.  But I say NOT THIS TIME, this time things are different I am not losing to any specific reason other then general health and happiness.  There is not target event like a wedding or a birthday.  There is a target for August for the photos over at A Nu(de) Motivation but I am not as worried about those as I once was.  Whatever size I am on the day we take those photos I know I will be beautiful.  So what the heck is all this rambling about? 

Well I guess I am a little anxious.  Anxious that the old me will resurface, take hold and push me back.  I know that I can work through this.  I truly have set myself up for success.  Never before have I had so much support from people in my real life AND all my wonderful online supporters.  The next 10 pounds are me truly reclaiming my life.  These are the pounds where people start saying, "hey are you're looking great", "hey have you lost weight?", "what are you doing to drop the pounds?" I am sure that most people welcome these comments.  But part of me has always felt that getting positive attention about how my body looks exposes me.  It means people are seeing me again.  That I am not blending into the background.  If I take a step further and am truly honest, I know that I feel really worried about getting attention from men.  The first 5 years, after I was raped I did my best to get the most attention possible thinking that if I solicited the attention at least I was in control of it.  Then next 9 years after that brought me hiding, not wanting to be seen.  Thinking and believing that if I was not seen I could not be hurt.  Crazy how one incident that occurred 14 years ago now, that's 1/2 my lifetime, has had such a profound impact on who I am.   But it's over, it hurt, it sucked but now I am moving on.  I want to be seen for who I am.  I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman who has tones to offer.  So although these next 10 pounds may cause some emotional anxiety, it will be so liberating when they are gone.  I will do the work necessary both physically and emotionally to get past this once and for all. 

Hope you all have a great day!
Leah

Monday Already......ugh!

Where, oh where did my weekend go?  I feel like it just got here.  Seems like I am back to the grind for the week.  I have to say though that I can't wait till next week when all my classes start up.   I went to the gym tonight but only swam in the pool nothing exciting.  I love being in the pool but when it is full of hard core swimmers I feel like I am in the way I have no room to swim,  I just wish they would put up signage or something for speed of the lanes because inevitably the 'good' swimmers get all ticked that us 'slow' swimmers are there.   I figure I pay my membership fees just like them.  They can suck it up.  

So this weekend brought with it the worse PMS symptoms I have had in months.  I was ravenous.  I was just starving.  I can't be the only one who gets like this.  I did pretty good but must admit that I took a second serving of desert on Sunday.  Oh well, hopefully that subsides soon because I would have killed for chocolate tonight and if I don't get this under control ASAP the scale is not going to have good news for me come Friday.  

I have to wonder, do any of you sometimes fee like you could eat anything in sight?  What do you do to stop yourself or do you just let it happen? 

Cheers!
Leah

Dance Classes!

Thank you so much for your responses to yesterdays post.  I really just felt like I needed to get that out there as it's been on my mind frequently this week.  It's a huge reason for my weight gain and something I have been actively working through.  

Now on to much happier things!  I got up today and headed to the YMCA to sign up for a few dance classes.  I use to take dance classes as a teenager to help with my skating.  I absolutely loved them.  So this fall I will be taking Zumba on Monday nights and Belly Dancing on the Tuesdays before my Aqua Bootcamp class.  I cannot believe I actually went and signed up.  This is something that I have been putting off until I am thin.  Over the course of this summer, I started thinking, why not now?  What a great way to get some exercise, have fun and shed some inches.  So I took the plunge today.  I honestly cannot wait to get started.  It does mean that I have a class or two Mon-Thurs but I am totally ok with that.  Honestly, I've had to cut back my tv and internet habits which is just fine by me.  I finally feel like I am an active participant in my life again rather then a spectator.  Well I am having a quick lunch and then it's back out there to keep going on the renovations. 

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!

Cheers!
Leah

A Weigh In and Some Emotional Relief

It's another happy weigh in for me!  I have lost another 1.1lbs this week.  I am thrilled with the progress I am seeing lately.  Slow and steady wins the race is what I've been thinking.

I have to say that over the last few weeks I have done a tone of reflecting and the other day I read this quote that seems to sum up all kinds of things for me.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." — Maya Angelou. 

What a powerful quote that is for me.  For years, I did just what I knew how to do to survive.  After being raped at 14, I learned to do anything so that I didn't feel anymore hurt.  I learned to lie to friends, guys I would date, my family, anyone really so that my story always came across like I chose to engage in sexual behaviour.  Looking back even my diary plays it out that way.  I was lying to myself; and again "I did then what I knew how to do". 

I can go back in a instant to that day.  The fighting, the pulling, the protesting, the kicking all of it comes back to me in an instant.  I flash back to his mother walking in on it and yelling at me that I was a whore, a tramp, a slut, not realizing what her son was doing to me.  She stopped the trauma with her arrival but then cut me deeply with her ignorant words.  I remember gathering my shorts and throwing them over my swimsuit and running like I have never run before to a friends house.  I had a choice to make in that moment when I got there, tell her the truth about what he was doing or tell her only the second half of the story.  I really felt I wouldn't be believed;  I told her only the parts about his mother walking in.  Never indicating that I was forced, that he had taken something from me that would take years to get back.   

As I look back now, so many of my choices can be traced back to protecting myself from reliving that moment.  It took me so long to realize that the incident was over, the pain was real but didn't have to take over my life.  Recently, I reconnected with an old high school friend, we dated seriously through high school, he was always there for me, truly a good guy.  Distance from going away to University and many complicated events lead to our inevitable end. But the most important thing he did for me was teach me that I was worth more then I was giving myself.  He taught me that I could do better, be better.  When he met me, I was on a bizarre downward spiral.  My grades were dropping and I was withdrawing from my friends and family.  I had put on a considerable amount of weight from my inactivity.  And yet with all the good he was doing for me, I still deep inside felt I didn't deserve to be happy, that I wasn't whole.  I told him often that I had issues, but would never ever tell him what they where.  I thought he would think less of me, even though he had always been supportive.  I often sabotaged our relationship.  He could never understand why I was doing these things.  I could never explain, explaining would have required telling him what happened.  So last week, we were chatting on line, and we got to talking and he asked me what all my stuff was that I was never willing to tell him.  And I told him. And I felt such relief.  Relief because he finally knew why.  Relief because he was the one person I felt needed to know.  Relief because I had made enough progress mentally to tell him.  And he said, what I should have known he was going to say all along, I am sorry that happened to you.  Such a simple sentence, such a powerful impact.  

And so yes for years, I have been doing what I knew how to do, but now I know better and I do better.   

Thanks for reading, 

Leah  

Convenience Food :(

So with school starting and me heading back to work, even just part time, I can already see that convenience food creeping it's way back into my diet.  Oh dear.  I must must must take the time this weekend to pre-cook some really healthy meals so that we don't have this issue.  I believe the crock pot may make a return in my home.  I have one but we rarely use it despite how friggin awesome it is!  

I have done really well keeping up with the exercise though, I have not missed a class, thanks to my husband.  That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.  Friday is a day of rest as always and then it will be back to renovation for the weekend.  I am really hoping that the weather clears up so that I can ride my bike a little tomorrow even though it's a no gym day. 

Any ideas for quick and easy healthy foods I can make?

Long Weekend + New School Year = MIA

Hello everyone!

So sorry that I have been missing but things around here have been just a little hectic. I had a great long weekend and was able to visit my parents and some great friends.  

The weekend started with a quick stop over at one of my best friends houses.  She is an amazing woman that I don't get to see nearly enough.  The girl has lost a tone of inches since she started running which lead to some really good luck for me.  Turns out the girl does not need her size 18 clothes anymore, but guess who does.  That's right ME!  She gave me a tone of clothes, in fact more clothes then I currently own.  Her shopping habits are helping me out immensely right now.  So I have a great wardrobe waiting for me down in size 18 land very soon!  I cannot wait.  Talk about some great motivation.

The next day I got up and headed to my parents house where my Dad and I drove another hour away to get together for my Aunt's 60th birthday party.  It was really wonderful to get to see so much of my extended family.  I love getting together for joyous occasions!  

Sunday, was a day of window shopping and lunch with my Mom.  This has to be my absolutely favourite thing to do with my Mom.  We can go browsing for hours and never buy anything.  I just love it.  Lots of great conversation and catching up.  The phone can only make up for so much when you live 5 hours away from your Mom.  

Sunday night, I luckily was able to get together with Veronica from A Nu(de) Motivation.  We went out for dinner and chatted for hours.  It was so nice to visit with her in person.  She is my online BBF, we chat everyday almost. 

Monday brought me home which was nice but kinda sad because it marks the official end to my summer holidays.  I know anyone who is not a teacher is like shut up!  But seriously it's sooo sad, I love my job but I also loved this summer.  I just had so much fun!  

Tuesday was the first day of school.  It went really well.  There are some really sweet kids at my new school,   I do believe this will be an awesome year full of changes for me.  It's always weird for me that the New Year is really in January since my life starts over every September for me.  It also seems fitting since we'll be doing the photos for A Nu(de) Motivation in August, which is like the end of the year for me.  It's hard to believe how far I have come and so exciting to think of how different things will be in 12 months time!

Get out and enjoy the day!
Cheers!
Leah

Weigh-In Friday!

Lets get this weigh in done right away.  This morning I weighed in at 265.4lbs, I saw 264.8 on Tuesday but today I was back up a bit, ugh.  I did not drink enough water yesterday and I think that is playing a huge role in all of this.  I have until Monday to weigh in for  A Nu(de) Motivation but I am going away for the weekend so I would just be happy to see that same number again.

I went into work yesterday for the first time.  I have to say this year should be lots of fun.  I am working in a tiny little school with only 6 staff members.  But already there was talk about the amount of food that gets brought into the staff room by staff and community members.  I think for the first little while of school I am going to count my calories again.  I do this when I really need to stay focused and the beginning of the school year is one of those times.  I am just like the students in my classes, I have a hard time handling transitions.  So the more structured they can be the easier it will be for me.   I already turned down the daily Tim's run that one of the girls does.  It felt good to say no way!  But it so hard to watch them all with the cups.  

In other important news, I was awarded the Happy 101 award from Raegun over at Diminishing Returns.  

 The Rules:

1. Post who gave you this award
See above! Thanks Joy. Your comments and emails always make my day. You have been very supportive and I really appreciate it.

2. State 10 things you like
1) cats
2) visiting with friends
3) reading a good book
4) digital scrapbooking
5) skating
6) my ipod
7) sleeping in
8) cheese
9) painting my toe nails
10) Making friends at the gym

3. Give this award to 10 other bloggers and notify them with a comment

I honestly have no time to do this right now but wanted to get it posted.  Hopefully, I'll have time after the weekend to pass it on. 

I am off to enjoy the long weekend.  

Cheers!
Leah 

Back to Reality

Sorry I have been a little absent here but things have been pretty hectic since I finally got a permanent job.  Thank you everyone for all your well wishes and congratulations! Now, I am busy planning out what I will be doing next week.  I can't believe that I have to go to work tomorrow.  I never thought I'd say this but where did my summer go?  

Things food and weight wise have been really good.  I've really been paying attention to slowing down how fast I eat and noticing when I am full.  The scale continues to reward me by moving in the right direction.  I had another awesome Aqua Bootcamp class last night.  Follow by my first good night of sleep in almost a week.  So glad to finally get some restful shut eye.  Tonight I'll be heading to yoga should be interesting to see if it makes me just as sore this week.  I am really hoping not though because it was very very painful.  I love that my gym offers so many classes that I can take.  Looks like by mid September almost all my gym visits will be centered around classes which is absolutely FANTASTIC for me.  I love classes over the machines at the gym. 

I noticed I got a lovely blog award the other day and hopefully later today I will have time to do my write up for that.  

I am off to get ready for the school year! 
Cheers!
Leah

I GOT THE JOB!!!

Just a really quick note to say that I got the job!!!  I am so excited! 

Cheers!
Leah

Interview

So today I had my interview for the teaching job.  It's really hard to say how it went.  I just hate interviews and always get too nervous and then on the way home think of a million things I could have said that were better then the answers I gave.  I feel kinda like I may have talked in circles.  Oh well.  If it's meant to be it will work out.  Thank you all so much for wishing me good luck it.  It was nice to know others where thinking of me.   I am exhausted since I have not been sleeping due to my nerves.  So I am taking it easy and heading to bed early today.  I'll let you know how it all turns out when I find out.

Night!
Leah

Would you like fries with that?

So yesterday I rode my bike a little, I am still trying to get use to being on a bike.  I haven't been on a bike since I was a teenager.  But the good news is it was comfortable and it's all coming back to me.  I will have to find time to snap a picture of it. 

After a day of working on the house and running errands, the husband and I decided that we didn't want to make dinner again.  I know we need to stop eating out.  In any case,  we decided to go a burger place here in town that we really love.  I was just craving a pogo for some reason.  So I order my pogo and the waitress says: Would you like fries with that?  I said yes even though I should have said salad.  When my plate comes and I eat slowly, knowing that I must pay attention to when my body says it full, starting with my pogo.  I enjoyed every morsel of that thing.  Then I started eating my fries.  It was weird, the whole time I was eat them, I wasn't really enjoying them.  They just didn't taste that good.  So I stopped eating them.  Hmmmm what a concept. 

Somewhere along this journey, I have learned to slow down and actually taste my food.  I have also learned that somethings, I feel are totally worth every calorie in them like the pogo, while others just aren't, like those fries.  I am not saying I will never eat fries again but I really think a salad might just become my normal side dish.   Hooray for progress!

It's another beautiful day here and I plan on getting out and enjoying it!

Cheers!
Leah

An AMAZING early Birthday Present!

So today, I am not going to complain (or over think) about the Chinese Food I ate last night, it was sinfully delicious, or the desert I had afterward at the coffee shop, yum lemon crumble tart.  What I am going to talk about is the amazingly awesome birthday present my husband bought me a whole month early last night.  He bought me a beautiful pink cruiser bike.  Can I tell you how long I have wanted a bike for.  Like I have been talking about it of over a year.  But I didn't want a mountain bike, I wanted a comfy cruiser.  One with a big comfy seat, curved handle bars, single gear, need to get a basket for it kinda bike.  So my entry is going to be really short because the sun is shining and I wanna get out there and try out my new bike!


Have a fabulous Saturday!

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh-In Friday!

So today is my day to weigh in and I am happy to report that I am down another 0.7lbs.  I feel as though I have worked really hard this week.  Maybe that's because my abs and arms are killing me after my workout yesterday.  :)  But seriously, I have stepped up to the plate, consumed at least 4 glasses of water a day, got my workouts in, and eaten healthy foods with good portions all week long.  I am really aiming to see a smaller number on Monday after this weekend as well.  

I am noticing this pattern of gain between Sat-Tues and then losing from Wed-Fri.  I am hoping to stop the fluctuation and get keep it going down.  I know there will be minor ups and downs but these have been fluctuations of quite a few pounds.  I suspect it's because I relax from my routine on the weekends, eat a little more then I do during the week.  Really though there is no excuse.  My body doesn't want or need more just because it's the weekend.  I know that, now I just need to pay attention to it and watch myself a little more. 

I got some pretty exciting news yesterday evening.  It seems that I have an interview on Monday for a small permanent teaching contract.  Getting this has the ability to really set my career in motion.  I am so overwhelmingly nervous, anxious and excited, that it's hard to describe.  I barely slept last night with thoughts rolling through my head.  So I am off touch up my portfolio, get an appointement to have my hair cut and try try try to relax a little.  Monday seems so far away from now, beside I have an entire weekend to enjoy before that interview.

Have a great day!

Cheers!
Leah

Yoga

I have been interested in yoga for quite sometime.  I love the way it looks and how calm it is. However, I had never ever attend a class.  I have done yoga at home over the last few years but I have to say it does not really compare to the in class experience.  My friends over at A Nu(de) Motivation have been doing yoga together since we started this challenge.  I unfortunately live far away from them so I haven't been able to partake.  And honestly I was happy with just doing it at home until yesterday.  I was inspired to get my butt to a class by Emily over at The Front Burner.  If you check out the link, she wrote a fabulous beginner's guide to yoga.  It explains everything from what to expect to what you need to bring with you.  So much really useful information for a newbie like me.  

So last night I set out to my gym knowing there was a yoga class being offered.  I got there a little late and almost chickened out because I got lost (it's a pretty big gym) and couldn't find the room I was looking for.  I talked myself back into it and headed to the front desk for directions.  Once, I got to the class they had already started and I almost back out again.  But as luck or fate or whatever would have it, one of my new buddies from the pool was late too and she encourage me to head in even though we where late.  So in I went.  The class was great.  My self talk was not.  I really have to work on this.  Again, I was really worried about what everyone else what thinking, not good.  I eventually calmed myself enough that the voice inside my head stopped.  It was great.  The class was hard for me, even though she didn't lead us into anything complicated. I was a sweaty mess by the end of it and when I looked around everyone else seemed so relaxed, no sweat.  Oh well, I am who I am, and I am a sweater. LOL  I will certainly be heading back for more next week and I won't be late.   

After a great yoga session, I headed to the pool and swam for half an hour.  It's funny how all of sudden I just feel like I belong at the gym instead of being a visitor.  I know all the regulars and they say hello and smile at me.  It's just really nice to feel like I belong.  

I am off to enjoy another day, albeit a gloomy one.

Cheers!
Leah

Locker Room

I have always, always, always hated the locker room.  The idea of communal showers, changing in front of people or rather trying to hide has never appealed to me.  One of the biggest challenges to adjusting to going to the gym was getting over this hate/fear of the locker room.  It is after all really a necessary part of the gym and now that I am swimming every time I go, I have to change not once but twice...ugh. 



Hurdle one, trying to get from the shower to the locker area without creating a giant puddle.  There is a huge sign as you leave the shower area telling you to dry off before going to the locker.  Well there are a few problem with that.  #1 I don't bring my shower things into the pool area with me so I have to go to the locker before I even shower.  #2 I don't want to bring multiple towels so that I can accomplish the task of drying off twice.  I have honestly given up on this and just allow a small puddle to exists.  Those who can do it.  Good for you but I am a puddle creator apparently.

Hurdle two, learning to tie my bra behind my back.  I know, I know silly but seriously it makes the whole process easier.  And somehow I never taught myself before now.  

Hurdle three, I am so friggin worried about what everyone else is thinking.  Seriously, why I am so concerned if that very trim girl sees my large butt.  She's not paying attention to me, she's changing. This one I worked on so so hard. 

And so yesterday, after leaving the shower area.  I did not try to hide behind a towel, awkwardly trying not to drop it while putting on my girly things.  I just dried off and changed. And you know what.  I didn't die, no one said anything, no dirty looks....NOTHING!  Except it took me way less long to get dressed and get out of there.  I was thrilled with myself.  Clearly.  I felt the need to share. LOL 

I am off to enjoy the day!

Cheers!
Leah

So busy...

      This weekend was crazy amounts of busy, followed by a busy Monday.  With the end of summer almost hear.  Hubby and I are working a tone on our bathroom renovation.  It's actually been kinda fun.  I always love it when we have a task to complete together.  What I love even more though, is picking out a new tub, sink, fixtures....oh so many options and choices.
     
       So needless to say, getting to the gym has been challenging due to these wonderful renovations.  Saturday, I spent probably 6 or 7 hours outside, helping my husband jack up the room so we could level it out.  Carrying large pieces of wood, cement blocks and doing a whole load of crawling or rather squirming around in the crawl space below our little house.  I followed all that up with a 45 minute session of yoga which was divine because my legs where so stiff.   Sunday, we spent the afternoon fixing the roof (we had a leak), lots of nailing shingles and tarring.  Smelled so awful.  There was no extra workout.  :(  Oh well.  We did get over to the in-laws for a lovely dinner and had the chance to pick vegetables from the garden for this week.  YUMMY! 

Yesterday, we spent the day running errands, and we stopped and had sushi for lunch.  I am a sucker for sushi!  I love it! I have a really hard time with portion control.  But we had a really light dinner and I do believe it will all work itself out at the end of the day.  I did make it to the gym yesterday but I have to say it was a half hearted effort.  I wasn't feeling it.  We got to the gym and the machines I like to use were taken (there are only 2 of them), leaving me picking another cardio machine.  Well I'd like to say that I am flexible and it's no big deal but these ARC trainers they have are like half elliptical half stair master, and they are HARD.  I am sure I will get to the point where they are a good option for me.   But friends, that day was not yesterday.  I did better in the pool though later on.  Scale is up today.  Thank you sodium + indigestion.  Hopefully the new iron supplements I got last night will cure my indigestion problems and I'll flush out the sodium with lots of water today.

Well I think I have rambled enough for one morning.
Enjoy your day everyone!

Cheers!
Leah

A Nu(de) Motivation

Have you been over to A Nu(de) Motivation yet?  Well if not, you are in for a treat.  This blog is about 5 women who over the years have put on extra pounds.  They are putting themselves to the challenge this year.  Each woman will spend 14 months on a journey of self discovery and weight loss.  In August of 2011, the women, regardless of how much or how little they have lost, have all committed to being photographed in the nude.  And I am one of those women.  If you head over to A Nu(de) Motivation, you'll find me listed as Vera Strange.  I encourage you to read up on each of the women, we are all on our own uniquely beautiful journey.   My week 12 update can be found here!

Have a great day!
Cheers!
Leah

The Fat girl in the Family

I was over here at With a Side of Sneakers today reading some older posts.  This post in particular was about how she and her family would like to find a way to motivated the one family member in their family that is overweight and who's lifestyle is suffering because of it.  Let's just say it really really got me thinking about my family. 

My immediately family consists of my Mom, Dad, brother and myself.  Of the four of us, I am the only one who is or has ever been obese.  For the most part they are pretty slim people.  We were a really active family growing up and until I faced some pretty serious trauma in high school I had never even been overweight.  Somehow in a split second that all changed and I began to eat away my feelings.  By grade 11 I was a little heavier but certainly not what I would label as fat.  I was still exercising taking dance classes and skating regularly.  The huge change came during university, where left on my own, I had to make my own food choices all the time.  Lets just say I ate a tone of fast food.  Thank you university meal card!  Man oh man. 

So this is a round a bout way of me getting to wondering how my gaining weight affected my family.  I know for a fact it worries them all.  They always comment about how happy they are that I am making better choices, losing some of the excess weight.  I really think they felt they were unable to help me, they could encourage but at the end of the day it has to come from within.  Kinda the way I feel about my parents smoking, I worry that it will cut their lives short. I worry about their overall health.  I am sure they feel the same way about my weight. 

Even more so, it makes me wonder what it will be like to not be the fat girl in the family.  I have for years now been the only obese person in my immediate family.  I wonder how it will change our family dynamics.  I know I will stop wondering if that chair is big enough to sit in when we go out for dinner.  I will enjoy a walk after dinner instead of worrying if there will be a hill and how embarrassing it will be that I am huffing and puffing by the time we get to the top.  I know my family will be proud of me and all I have accomplished.  They already are. 

Have you ever wondered about how your life choices impact others?  

Have a great day!
Cheers!
Leah

So yesterday turned into a day of rest for me.  This typically happens on Friday and I am totally ok with that.  My husband and I are endeavoring to start a major construction project so we spent quite a few hours at the supply store last night gathering the things we need to get started today.  I can honestly say I am not sure we will hit the gym today.  I do know that we will spend hours working on the renovation and that I will squeeze in some yoga at the very least in my living room tonight. 

In other news, I have been reading labels lately, a lot.  Can I just say there is tones of sodium in the weirdest things.  Yesterday, I go to make lunch and start looking through my very bare cupboards (I need to get groceries) and decide that we'll have some beans.  Not a great choice but it's in the cupboard.  Well I get it going on the stove and look at the can. and OMG it has 45% of your daily sodium needs in one serving.  The beans are sweet so I expected sugar not salt.  But then, as I was standing there I had a flash back to Jamie Oliver's Eat to Save Your Life (here's the You Tube video of it) .  At one point during the special he is cooking a spaghetti sauce and he demonstrates how easy it is to hide salt within the sauce.  It just drove home the point that I really need to pay more attention to what I am eating.  Sodium for me is huge, it makes me bloat up and nobody wants to be bloated.  So that was the last pack of pre-made beans I'll be eating and thankfully it was the last can in the cupboard.

Are you surprised by what you find on nutritional label sometimes?

Have a fabulous Saturday!
Cheers!
Leah

Weigh-In Friday!

Last week's weight: 269lbs
Today's weight: 266.8lbs

Loss:  2.2lbs 

Ok so obviously this morning's weigh-in is a good one and proof that me hitting the gym works.  For some reason that i have yet to pin point.  I even eat better when I go to the gym.  I have no desire to go to the gym and then hit up Tim Hortons.  It's just counter productive.  I am way more likely to eat crap on days that I do not workout then on days when I do.

Last night I hit the gym for Aqua Bootcamp just like I planned.  Only it wasn't the normal instructor and this very nice lady was good but she did not kick my butt as much as the usual girl does.  I mean it was an ok class just not what I am use to.  On the upside, I got to chatting with someone else in the class and found out that the Y will be offering ZUMBA in the fall.  I am so excited about this. I have been wanting to take a ZUMBA class for a while now.  The fact that many of the girls from my Aqua Bootcamp class go is a bonus to me.  I am very anxious in a new setting.  I love new things; but I am really nervous and self-conscious around people I don't know.  I am working on that, but still the anxiety is there.     

So today's plan is to hit the gym, although, not in a class :(.  I really do prefer to work out in a group.  It's more fun.  I also need to clean up around the house and plan out my meals for the next week.  

The sun is shinning and it's going to be a great day!
Cheers!
Leah

Hooray for Smaller Pants!

I had a great workout at the gym again yesterday.  Did a half hour on the elliptical and then a half hour swim in the pool.  It always amazes me how great I feel after I have worked out.  Tonight I get to do another awesome Aqua Bootcamp class should be fun!  

Yesterday as I was packing clothes to wear post workout into my gym bag I decided to brave it and grab my smaller pants.  I typically have been wearing a 22 but have numerous size 20 pants in my closet.  So I grabbed a fabulous pair of size 20 dark denim jeans.  And I have to be honest I was a little nervous because we rushed out the door and then my brain started talking.  What if they don't fit? You didn't bring anything else with you?  Eventually I realized that worse case scenario I'd put on my yoga pants back on; no big deal.  So I did my great workout, had a shower and the moment I'd been waiting for was there.  I slid my legs into the pants and THEY FIT.  They were not even tight just a nice comfortable fit!  I was so excited.  There are many a day that I am grateful that I am the only person in that locker room.  I did a little happy dance and headed for home.  

I can't explain why but I know that for me fitting into clothes that have long sat in my closet collecting dust are way more exciting to wear then new clothes from the store.  Not that I don't like new clothes, I do, but I am saving the shopping moments for when I have no clothes in the house that fit me anymore.  And that day will come very soon I think; as 20 is the smallest size in my closet.  

Alright well I am off to enjoy this raining day. 
Cheers!
Leah

Wicked Wednesday

Yesterday  I went to another kick ass Aqua Bootcamp class.  My abs are feeling it today!  I have to say I am so happy that I am already down and under 269lbs after being way up after a weekend away.  My food choices have been excellent this week and tasty if I do say so myself.

I am so blessed to have in-laws that have a very very bountiful garden every year.  This year was no exception on our weekly visit with them I was able to snag: zucchini, squash, cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, beans, beats and carrots!  I will attribute my healthy eating this week at least in part to the fact the the veggies in my house are so delicious that they are like eating candy! Today I believe I will have to take a run over to grab more as we have eaten most of it already! 

Harvesting their garden is always exciting to me.  I grew up in a house with very limited vegetable selection most of which came out of cans.  So for years I thought I just didn't like vegetables.  Imagine my delight in discovering, courtesy of my awesome husband, that vegetables can taste good and don't have to be mushy!  

Here's hoping that you are all enjoying fresh local vegetables that are readily available to many of us this time of year! 

Cheers!
Leah

Time for a Plan

Things are looking pretty good today.  The weight gain from the family reunion is almost gone.  Hopefully with another good day of eating and a great workout this evening things will be back on track.  So I feel like I have a large goal in mind which is to get to 190lbs before next August but I need some time of daily plan so that I have better focus.  So here's what I have planned for the next 7 days.

1. Go to Aqua Bootcamp Tuesday and Thursday 
2. Workout at home or in the gym all other days at least 30 minutes
3. Drink lots of water ( I am aiming for 4 glasses a day to start) 
4. Eat mindfully (Check in with myself, am I really hungry?) 
5. No junk food! 

I know if I stick to this plan I will be looking at another loss.  Any loss would be great.  I am really looking forward to hitting the 250s.  I need to remember to stay focused and be patient so that I don't get down on myself over a number.  I often get a head of myself and then become self defeating even though I know I have come a long way from 292lbs at the end of May.  Well it's another beautiful day and I am off to enjoy it! 

Cheers!
Leah

A Family Reunion

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Mine was filled with my family reunion.  It was so great to see everyone and catch up.  I come from a very very large family.  My Dad has 12 siblings, the 13 of them produced 69 children and those grand-babies have produce over a 100 offspring so far.  So when I say huge I mean it.

While visiting with my family, I couldn't help but notice how many of my family members, like me, are extremely overweight.  I couldn't help me notice how that affected what they did or didn't do.  I just couldn't believe it.  Many of them literally, sat all weekend at the picnic tables, munching away, smoking cigarettes and doing nothing.  We had a wedding in the middle of our reunion and my brother and I were the only two who danced the night away.  I am so glad that I am on this journey.  One that will bring me health and happiness.  Imagine all the fun I would miss, if I simply could not get up and dance.  It sure did make me think.

I hate to admit it but my intake this weekend was WAY TOO HIGH!!!  Mostly due to drinking too much with my brother.   So this week I must must must stay on track and get back in the game.  Thankfully there are no more big party type events planned for quite some time.  So the plan this week is to get my 5 workouts in, eat well, drink lots of water and blog here everyday.

Hope you are all having a wonderful Monday!

Cheers!

Leah

Aqua Bootcamp

So first a little business.  Today was weigh in and you can see this info up in that right tab that says Weigh In.  I am down 0.2lbs, could it have been more, well yes.  I am happy with my performance this week?  You betch ya!  I went to a wedding where I overindulged in the drink a little.  Visited friends at the cottage where I devoured too many Crispers and then got my time of the month.  The fact that I am not posting a gain, shows me that I did the work necessary this week.  Eating right most of the time and hitting the gym. Knowing that I have a family reunion this weekend, I am thrilled that I consciously did not let this turn into a week and a half off plan!

Alright back to the title of this post.  Last night I went to Aqua Boot camp.  WOW what a workout!  I was like a normal cardio class only in the water.  We worked so hard, this is one I will definitely keep going to. It was so much fun and a great workout.  I am not sore this morning but feeling a little tightness in the arms and belly.  I am so happy to have returned to a class of some sort.  At my peak fitness I was a joiner, joiner of dance classes, skating clubs and any group activity.  Since then I started hiding feeling unworthy.  But I have shut that voice up and here we are taking part in group fitness activities and loving it.  It makes it seem like fun to me rather than just going to the gym and getting on a machine.  Which I still fully intend to do but this is a bonus that's for sure! What a change 2 and half months has brought to my life!  I am so happy it's ridiculous.

So now I am off to enjoy the first family reunion on I think 10 years, the first one I am an adult for that's for sure.  This weekend is all about family and enjoying their company.  And this is no small reunion we're talking a family with 13 kids, 69 grandchildren and God only knows how many great-grandchildren.    I will meet people that I have only heard about in stories.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Cheers!

Leah

Who knew???

Who knew that aqua fit could be so much fun.  Yesterday after pumping out a fabulous 35 minutes on the elliptical and then 25 minutes on the bike I realized that there was a aqua fit class about to begin.  I have never done one of the these classes but have always always been very curious about them.  So I mustered up all my courage and went to the class.  And ya know what?  I had fun and it was great exercise.  I do believe tonight I am going to get to the gym early so that I can try the aqua boot camp class that is offered!  I am so happy that going to the gym is beginning to feel like just a normal part of my day.  That was a huge goal for me when summer started.

My food intake was really good yesterday too.  Good healthy eats, with no snacking!  YAY!  Victory is mine.  The scales showed a modest drop today but I highly suspect I am carrying extra weight due to TOM.  :(

Well I am off to enjoy another beautiful day!

Cheers

Leah

Curse of the Snacks

Last night my husband and I went to visit some friends that we have not seen in years.  They were cottaging not too far from where we live and so they invited us over.  I had already decided that I was going to be the DD so no pressure to drink.   I did really well until dinner drinking lots of water and just enjoying but then we all went down to the dock to star gaze and our friends wife brought down with her all this junk food.  I have gotten really good, at choosing a good snack when there is one available.  What's still troubling me is when there is not alternative.  I need to work past this.  I need to repeat and repeat that No Thank you until people accept it.  I was not hungry, I though I'll have a just a few, well I know darn well I can't have just a few, and I didn't have just a few and today I was staring at a gain on that scale.  CRAP!!!

Well today is a new day, and I'm off to a fresh start.  I'll be heading for an extra long workout at the gym today and lots and lots of healthy eating for sure.  So I guess this leaves me with lots of time to think of the things I can do to avoid snacking when visiting....hmmmm...any thoughts?

Women Food and God

Yesterday turned out to be a beautiful day full of sunshine.  I spent most of it lazing around and as I was just about the head out to the gym, the phone rang, it was my husband: "Ummmmm yeah, about you going to the gym, I have your car keys.......so you can't"  Oh well!  I guess that changes the plan.  So no workout!

My food intake was really good though.  It was a wonderful low cal food day.  I usually don't make anything good for myself if the husband is not home but last night I made the most delicious open-faced sandwich.   I grilled chicken in a curry paste and then cut it up into little pieces.  Toasted some thin flax bread.  Then put avocado and humus on the toast, followed by the chicken.  Then I added grilled red pepper and onion and topped it off with a little goat cheese.  Put it under the broiled till the cheese melted and OMG it was delicious!  Sooooo yummy.  I enjoyed every morsel.  I wish I had taken a picture.

Speaking of food, yesterday I was watching Oprah, which I don't usually do but Geneen Roth author of Women Food and God was on the show.  I had to watch.  Have you read this book? http://www.amazon.ca/Women-Food-God-Unexpected-Everything/dp/1416543074 If you haven't I highly suggest it.  She talks in great length about how to repair your relationship with food.  She talks about how we are so worried about dealing with the emotions that we are feeling that we hide them in food.  I have to admit I've done that since I was a teenager.  Reading this book changed the way I eat forever.  I am certain of that.   I really think in order for there to be true change in your life, you have to be willing to deal with your life.  I for a long time didn't talk about the hurt I went through as a teenager.  Our difficult family situation, with my brother living with other family members because he was too much for my Mom to handle.  The way I dealt with it was to turn to boys, I needed attention and I got it.  Although not the attention I needed or wanted.  It took me a long time to realize that, the hurt I experienced then was over, that I was allowed to go on and be happy. That I was never going to be in that position again, so it was ok to let go of that fear and move forward.  I have struggled for almost 1/2 my life now with my weight.  14 years is a lot to give up.  I  will not live a passive life for the next 14 years to come.  This book is like being given the key that opens a door that has been locked for so long.  I feel like I have been banging on this door for ages, on the cusp of knowing what to do but never being able to open the door.  With this book, I open the door and began the work needed to walk through it.  On the other side of that door way, I am so happy with my life and the blessings that have bestowed upon me.  I need to keep walking now further and further away from this door.  But I know this time that I will success for I am not trying, I am doing.

Cheers!

Leah

Another Monday....

I weigh myself everyday, even though I only really weigh in on Fridays.  I like to see where I am at each day.  I don't let it bother me one way or another but Monday always tells me how I did over the weekend.

So Friday last week just before I left I weighed in at 269.2lbs.  WOW!  I was thrilled, I know you can't believe it I am thrilled about such a large number, but you see I haven't been 260 something since last summer, this is progress here people.  This brought my total weight loss to 22.8lbs! Again i say WOW!!!

This weekend was filled with a really good friends wedding, so lots of food, open bar, and the best friends a girl could ask for!  I enjoyed every single moment of it.  From the vows, and speeches to the dancing and drinking.  It was all amazing!  I felt great, the girls commented about how great I looked!  It was just what I needed.

Today though is Monday, the day that reveals the truth about my eating and drinking this weekend. And it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, it wasn't good either, but it was worth it.  I weighed in this morning 2.2lbs heavier then Friday.  Weight I am sure will just melt away this week as I eat good and work this ass at the gym!   You know what though, that wedding was totally worth it.  Seeing all my university girls in the same place, at the same time for the first time in 3 years.  TOTALLY worth it!!!!

Enjoy your Monday!

Cheers,

Leah

Welcome

I would like to welcome you to my new blog.  I have been working on my weight since the spring of this year when the scales hit an incredible 292lbs.  As I have been moving through this journey, with the support of family and friends, I stumbled upon the blog world.  I discovered that there are so many like me out there doing their thing, losing the weight 1 pound at a time.  Like so many others I am looking for health and a longer life.  I no longer wish to be a bystander in my life.

I look forward to weighing in here every Friday, without fail.  I will write about the challenges and rewards of weight loss.  I will comment and discuss interesting things I find on the web.  I hope you enjoy the reading my blog and following my journey.

Cheers!

Leah