Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dance Classes!

Thank you so much for your responses to yesterdays post.  I really just felt like I needed to get that out there as it's been on my mind frequently this week.  It's a huge reason for my weight gain and something I have been actively working through.  

Now on to much happier things!  I got up today and headed to the YMCA to sign up for a few dance classes.  I use to take dance classes as a teenager to help with my skating.  I absolutely loved them.  So this fall I will be taking Zumba on Monday nights and Belly Dancing on the Tuesdays before my Aqua Bootcamp class.  I cannot believe I actually went and signed up.  This is something that I have been putting off until I am thin.  Over the course of this summer, I started thinking, why not now?  What a great way to get some exercise, have fun and shed some inches.  So I took the plunge today.  I honestly cannot wait to get started.  It does mean that I have a class or two Mon-Thurs but I am totally ok with that.  Honestly, I've had to cut back my tv and internet habits which is just fine by me.  I finally feel like I am an active participant in my life again rather then a spectator.  Well I am having a quick lunch and then it's back out there to keep going on the renovations. 

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!


Friday, September 10, 2010

A Weigh In and Some Emotional Relief

It's another happy weigh in for me!  I have lost another 1.1lbs this week.  I am thrilled with the progress I am seeing lately.  Slow and steady wins the race is what I've been thinking.

I have to say that over the last few weeks I have done a tone of reflecting and the other day I read this quote that seems to sum up all kinds of things for me.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." — Maya Angelou. 

What a powerful quote that is for me.  For years, I did just what I knew how to do to survive.  After being raped at 14, I learned to do anything so that I didn't feel anymore hurt.  I learned to lie to friends, guys I would date, my family, anyone really so that my story always came across like I chose to engage in sexual behaviour.  Looking back even my diary plays it out that way.  I was lying to myself; and again "I did then what I knew how to do". 

I can go back in a instant to that day.  The fighting, the pulling, the protesting, the kicking all of it comes back to me in an instant.  I flash back to his mother walking in on it and yelling at me that I was a whore, a tramp, a slut, not realizing what her son was doing to me.  She stopped the trauma with her arrival but then cut me deeply with her ignorant words.  I remember gathering my shorts and throwing them over my swimsuit and running like I have never run before to a friends house.  I had a choice to make in that moment when I got there, tell her the truth about what he was doing or tell her only the second half of the story.  I really felt I wouldn't be believed;  I told her only the parts about his mother walking in.  Never indicating that I was forced, that he had taken something from me that would take years to get back.   

As I look back now, so many of my choices can be traced back to protecting myself from reliving that moment.  It took me so long to realize that the incident was over, the pain was real but didn't have to take over my life.  Recently, I reconnected with an old high school friend, we dated seriously through high school, he was always there for me, truly a good guy.  Distance from going away to University and many complicated events lead to our inevitable end. But the most important thing he did for me was teach me that I was worth more then I was giving myself.  He taught me that I could do better, be better.  When he met me, I was on a bizarre downward spiral.  My grades were dropping and I was withdrawing from my friends and family.  I had put on a considerable amount of weight from my inactivity.  And yet with all the good he was doing for me, I still deep inside felt I didn't deserve to be happy, that I wasn't whole.  I told him often that I had issues, but would never ever tell him what they where.  I thought he would think less of me, even though he had always been supportive.  I often sabotaged our relationship.  He could never understand why I was doing these things.  I could never explain, explaining would have required telling him what happened.  So last week, we were chatting on line, and we got to talking and he asked me what all my stuff was that I was never willing to tell him.  And I told him. And I felt such relief.  Relief because he finally knew why.  Relief because he was the one person I felt needed to know.  Relief because I had made enough progress mentally to tell him.  And he said, what I should have known he was going to say all along, I am sorry that happened to you.  Such a simple sentence, such a powerful impact.  

And so yes for years, I have been doing what I knew how to do, but now I know better and I do better.   

Thanks for reading, 

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Convenience Food :(

So with school starting and me heading back to work, even just part time, I can already see that convenience food creeping it's way back into my diet.  Oh dear.  I must must must take the time this weekend to pre-cook some really healthy meals so that we don't have this issue.  I believe the crock pot may make a return in my home.  I have one but we rarely use it despite how friggin awesome it is!  

I have done really well keeping up with the exercise though, I have not missed a class, thanks to my husband.  That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.  Friday is a day of rest as always and then it will be back to renovation for the weekend.  I am really hoping that the weather clears up so that I can ride my bike a little tomorrow even though it's a no gym day. 

Any ideas for quick and easy healthy foods I can make?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Long Weekend + New School Year = MIA

Hello everyone!

So sorry that I have been missing but things around here have been just a little hectic. I had a great long weekend and was able to visit my parents and some great friends.  

The weekend started with a quick stop over at one of my best friends houses.  She is an amazing woman that I don't get to see nearly enough.  The girl has lost a tone of inches since she started running which lead to some really good luck for me.  Turns out the girl does not need her size 18 clothes anymore, but guess who does.  That's right ME!  She gave me a tone of clothes, in fact more clothes then I currently own.  Her shopping habits are helping me out immensely right now.  So I have a great wardrobe waiting for me down in size 18 land very soon!  I cannot wait.  Talk about some great motivation.

The next day I got up and headed to my parents house where my Dad and I drove another hour away to get together for my Aunt's 60th birthday party.  It was really wonderful to get to see so much of my extended family.  I love getting together for joyous occasions!  

Sunday, was a day of window shopping and lunch with my Mom.  This has to be my absolutely favourite thing to do with my Mom.  We can go browsing for hours and never buy anything.  I just love it.  Lots of great conversation and catching up.  The phone can only make up for so much when you live 5 hours away from your Mom.  

Sunday night, I luckily was able to get together with Veronica from A Nu(de) Motivation.  We went out for dinner and chatted for hours.  It was so nice to visit with her in person.  She is my online BBF, we chat everyday almost. 

Monday brought me home which was nice but kinda sad because it marks the official end to my summer holidays.  I know anyone who is not a teacher is like shut up!  But seriously it's sooo sad, I love my job but I also loved this summer.  I just had so much fun!  

Tuesday was the first day of school.  It went really well.  There are some really sweet kids at my new school,   I do believe this will be an awesome year full of changes for me.  It's always weird for me that the New Year is really in January since my life starts over every September for me.  It also seems fitting since we'll be doing the photos for A Nu(de) Motivation in August, which is like the end of the year for me.  It's hard to believe how far I have come and so exciting to think of how different things will be in 12 months time!

Get out and enjoy the day!