Reflections

So yesterday we went to the in laws for dinner and to visit with my SIL.  Dinner was wonderful and it was nice to visit and catch up.  I find though since I started on this weight loss journey, I am for some reason or another noticing when people lose or put on weight.  It never even use to occur to me, unless the changes were drastic.  As I sat there having dinner, I wondered how often when I would come home during university did my family and friends see me and think: "Oh my she's put on weight again".  This is exactly what happen to me yesterday, I felt guilty for even thinking it.  Why I'm not sure.  And I certainly was not judging the person in anyway.  It's just that I noticed and that made me so uncomfortable.  It left my head full of questions. 

No one ever said anything to me, even though I knew they were thinking it, as I was gaining weight.  Would I have wanted someone to say something? NO.  Did I realize how bad the weight gain was? No.  I was in complete denial as a packed on the pounds, slowly moving up one size at a time.  Blaming clothing makers for making their sizes smaller and dryers for shrinking my clothes but the reality is that I was getting larger and not wanting to face the truth.  I probably wasn't till mid second year when I had to face the reality that shopping in regular stores was officially over for me.  It was depressing, I cried, I vowed to change but instead packed on even more weight.  By the end of second year I was wearing a size 20 and loss the desire to make a change.  Such a contrast to how I feel right now.  

Right now, I would want someone to tell me I was gaining weight even though I'd be upset or annoyed with them.  Now I am not saying in public, at dinner or in front of anyone, but maybe over a cup of coffee with a good friend.  Where concern was expressed sincerely.  As I lose the weight, family and friends have expressed their relief that I am FINALLY losing the weight.  They are telling me that they were worried about me but not sure what to say.  I find it interesting that people can tell you afterwords but not during.   We have no problem, or rather I should say I have no problem, telling my parents that I am worried about them because they smoke.  That I am concern they will die too young, and get very ill.  So why is it, that I would be scared to tell a friend their weight is shortening their lives?  

I leave you with thoughts still swirling in my head. 

Hope you all have a great day!

Leah

ps.  I bought a pair of new jeans size 16W!  I am thrilled! 

Weigh in Saturday!

So it seems that since I started working I often don't have enough time to weigh in on Friday mornings but if I don't I will get it in on Saturday.  Today I got to see great success vs last week.  I weighed in at 255.5lbs.  I have admit for a minute I was disappointed because I weighed in at 256lbs on about Tuesday so the loss did not seem as huge to me until I went back to my weigh in page to put it in a realized that I loss 2.9lbs in a week.  Funny how quickly your perspective can change.  

Today should be a nice day, my progress reports that are due Monday are already done and my sister and brother in law are in town visiting.  I am going to take a quick trip into town to do some shopping for a bday present for my SIL, and to order a few bathing suits from Sears since I don't think I'll find a good one on the rack anywhere in my little town.  And I may just treat myself to one pair of pants that fit properly, I know that big pile of regular 18s will fit in just a few more pounds but I desperately want a pair of jeans that fit right now and right now a 18 plus fits that and that my friends is so exciting. 

I finally received a bunch of wedding pictures yesterday from the photographer ( I waited for ever to order them, like 2 years. lol) and they are gorgeous.  I can't believe that I already weigh less they I did in those pictures. On my wedding day I weighed approx. 265 and I say approx because I stopped weighing myself when my diet failed, and of course it did it was a diet.  They are the most beautiful pictures and it was the best day of my life thus far.   

Alright, well I am off to enjoy the day!

Cheers!
Leah

Habits....

I just can't believe how hard old habits are to break.  With all the progress I have made I still end up slipping into my old habits of eating out for lunch, running through the Tim Horton's drivethru and stealing a can of Coke out of my friends office fridge.  I really need to get these under control.  They are completely sabotaging my progress.  They are sneaking in and eating up my calorie deficits.  So over the next few weeks I will work at eliminating these 3 nasty work habits.   First to go, "stealing" Coke out my friends fridge.  When I do this I am just looking for something to drink.  I need to remember to pack my water bottle and keep it full.  Second, Tim Horton's is costly me dearly. did you now that my beloved double double packs a whooping 230 calories, add to that the donut I can't live without at 260 calories and my morning coffee run is costing me big time! Lastly, eating out for lunch hasn't been too bad, I typically run to the grocery store for a salad but that is hurting my wallet when I consider what I can make a salad for at home.  Also, it's hard to control how much of what is in them and many of them have lots of cheese.  

So that's it, I need to nix those 3 habbits ASAP!  And I know I can I just need to rework my routine a little so that these choices are less tempting.

Cheers!
Leah

WOOHOO!!!! It's the weekend!

I am so happy to have a quiet morning today.  My husband is away this weekend which means that there will be no construction and plenty of time for me to get all those little nagging chores done and out of the way.  I plan on heading into school tomorrow with a coworker and getting the last of my room set up.  I am thrilled that next week will be the start of the rest of the year for me.  I have a great program planned that will now get implemented.  YAY! 

Health wise things are going pretty good.  TOM showed up yesterday so today I weighed in again and was pleasantly surprised to see that I weigh 256 which is much lower then yesterdays weigh in right before I got TOM.  So excited!  Looks like I will hit that 30lbs mark over at A (Nu)de Motivation next week and that will be quickly followed by my reaching a total of 40lbs loss from my highest weight.  Even with the crazy stress from the last few weeks I have been able to keep my goals in mind even if they sometimes took the back burner for a few days.  

I am also, so very very proud of my husband who has noticeably dropped pounds right along with me.  We are going to be a smokin hot couple by spring.  We may have to call up our photographer for some new sexy photos.  

Well it's a beautiful fall day here and I'd like to get out and enjoy it.  Off to do chores and hopefully get out there and enjoy some of this glorious sunshine!

Cheers!
Leah

Weigh In Friday!

Hello again,

Things here are finally moving in the right direction again, I weighed in this morning at 258.4lbs giving me a total loss of 33.6lbs so far.  YAY! I am really excited about things moving again. My eating has been good off and on, this week, not over eating that's for sure but not always making the best choice either.  This weekend will be great for getting myself set up for more success.  I plan on spending quite a bit of time working on school things which will alleviate most of my stress.  Things will then run the way I want them to.  Working out was great, I missed my Monday workout due to Thanksgiving but got all my other workouts in.  I also started teaching 4 sections of dance at school which means I get to move around for at least an additional 4 hours a week which is wonderful.  It's so nice to teach something fun and the kids seem to be enjoying it which I was worried about.  Alright, I am off to work.  I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday!!!

Cheers!
Leah

What a day!

I had one of those days you know the ones where you run and run and run and get so frustrated because you feel like you are going no where.  No what I mean?  Well I felt like that today with my work and my eating.  With work I just feel like perhaps I am not doing my job as well as I could be, I am at a loss of what to do with a particular group of students.  Nothing I seem to do gets there attention or their focus.  I know I am the french teacher that none of the students like, that parents don't support and that colleagues chuckle at when I say I have had a rough day with their classes but gosh this has got to get better.  I really do love my job 99% of the time today was just one of those days where I don't.  They happen and I know tomorrow will be better.  Food wise, I forgot to pack my lunch so I ended up eating what was available in the school, a small chocolate milk, cheddar sunchips and a piece of apple pie.  What the heck kinda lunch is that!!!  No wonder the scale is NOT moving for me.  My sweet hubby is away this weekend and I am hoping to use that time to plan out my school schedule, get organized and get focused again.  I really am missing that loss on the scale but I am thrilled that it has not moved up.  

Hope you all have had a better day!

Cheers!
Leah

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I know it's been a while since I posted but things have been as I have been saying nuts.  They should settle down after this next week and then things will get back to normal.  I'd like so commit to posting every other day after next week.  I weighed in on Friday but for got to update.  I am back down to 260lbs. which is great but no further weight loss.  After this weekend which is Thanksgiving here I'll get back on my regularly scheduled eating program.  I have been eating ridiculous amounts of sugar which is horrible for me.  I am thinking maybe a week or two of counting calories maybe in order to get me back on track.  In other happier news, I went shopping with my mom this weekend and was able to fit into many regular XXL or XL shirts in the stores.  YAY!  Also size 18 plus size pants fit wonderfully, the ones I have here in my closet are not plus size so they are snug but I can definetly do them up.  5 more lbs and I think I'll be there.  The size 18s fitting nicely though was a great thing to see at the store.  I am official down another pant size!  Horray for smaller pants! 

I hope all my Canadian readers are have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
Leah